Five Things EP01: Legal Considerations of Divorce and Separation with Heather Williams Forshey
https://brandascentmedia.com/?page_id=122

00:09
well oh thanks for joining us today for
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my first podcast and selected a
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superstar and longtime friend Heather
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Williams for she who owns Raleigh
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divorce law firm and the content today
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was basically covering five things that
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you need to think about if you're
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getting a separation and for divorce and
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there's a obviously an expert in this
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field and just would love her input out
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there and our goal is to just try to add
00:34
value to consumers and help you get some
00:37
good information to help you make good
00:38
decisions
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so thank you for your time Heather and
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absolutely thank you for being a great
00:43
customer first off you and Nate been
00:46
friends for a long time and we do
00:48
security for your office in the home and
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thank you so much for your business that
00:52
means a Lari for our people - two great
00:54
people that provide great service
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awesome
00:57
well thank you so much and first thing
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I'd like to talk about is would you mind
01:00
spend a little time talking about your
01:02
background and it may be what made you
01:04
get into the field sure so I was a
01:06
psychology major at Elon and so through
01:09
that major I had to do an internship
01:11
through an agency called sentencing
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services which worked mostly with
01:15
criminal defendants trying to find
01:18
services for them such as substance
01:20
abuse treatment mental health services
01:23
and so through that internship I ended
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up spending a lot of time at the
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courthouse and that's how I first kind
01:29
of became interested in law and at that
01:32
point kind of transitioned into pre-law
01:35
and wanting to take the LSAT and go to
01:39
law school and so after my undergrad I
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ended up working for an agency called
01:45
headstart and they are an agency that
01:48
provides education services to low
01:50
income families and families with
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children who have special needs and so
01:55
through that I really became interested
01:58
in working with families and children so
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really family law for me is really the
02:03
intersection of the people part of it
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working with families and and trying to
02:07
help children and families but also the
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legal aspect of it as well okay awesome
02:13
I could see how that's a natural fit and
02:15
you kind of slide down a career path and
02:17
end up where you're at I definitely
02:19
think it's important to have a passion
02:21
for what you do and and just knowing you
02:23
and not only being a great business
02:25
owner but having a passion for what you
02:27
do is obviously very important so
02:30
without delay we'll just jump into if if
02:34
I'm someone that's thinking about
02:35
separating or getting a divorce
02:37
what are five things that I should be
02:40
thinking so the first thing is
02:43
counseling
02:44
that's something I've talked to people
02:45
about in the initial consultation and I
02:48
spend time talking to them about where
02:51
they're at in terms of their their
02:53
marriage and are they really willing to
02:55
pull that trigger and separate because I
02:57
find that I'll get a lot of people who
03:00
aren't sure and they don't really know
03:03
whether they want to try to stay in the
03:05
marriage or not and so before people
03:07
make a huge life decision like that I
03:10
encourage them to suggest marriage
03:14
counseling to their spouse or get some
03:16
individual counseling for themselves so
03:18
that they can really be sure as they
03:20
move forward in the process that it's
03:22
what they want to do because obviously
03:25
you're spending money on attorneys and
03:28
the other problem that I see a lot with
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people who are starting this process is
03:34
their spouse may not have any idea where
03:37
that they're at emotionally so it's
03:40
really good before people jump into the
03:42
legal process that both spouses are on
03:45
the same page and what I mean by that is
03:48
I tell many people in our consultation
03:51
process do not let the first news that
03:54
you are wanting to separate or divorce
03:56
from your spouse be the letter that they
03:59
get from me in the mail saying that I
04:01
represent you
04:02
there's obviously certain circumstances
04:05
like domestic violence or cases where
04:07
there are safety concerns where there's
04:08
just no other way to do it but absent
04:11
that I always tell people you know
04:13
really the first conversation about the
04:15
ending of your marriage needs to come
04:17
between you all and not come from a
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letter that someone gets from me in the
04:23
mail is it primarily the guys that are
04:25
just oblivious you know I
04:28
I find it on both sides and I think it's
04:31
really difficult and it usually ends up
04:35
making the divorce a lot more high
04:37
conflict when one person feels
04:40
completely blindsided today the the term
04:43
for it that's the buzz word is ghosted
04:45
when you just ghost someone and kind of
04:48
just in the relationship with no real
04:50
explanation and just kind of want to
04:53
disappear from the other person's life
04:55
without warning so I usually advise
04:58
people to really think about the manner
05:00
in which they want to move forward in
05:02
the process because it can make it a lot
05:05
less messy and a lot less expensive if
05:08
you try to really approach the process
05:11
with having respect for the other person
05:13
okay what makes a lot of sense to me
05:16
number two what do you think number two
05:18
I would say is logistical II what is the
05:21
plan for separating and who's going to
05:24
move and where are you going to move to
05:26
and I think that this has the biggest
05:28
impact really in situations that involve
05:30
children in custody because as you know
05:33
even in Wake County being a very large
05:35
County I mean it can take 30 to 45
05:38
minutes just for me to get to my home to
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get to my office so for parties that
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have children you know where you live
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can have a big impact on what your
05:50
custody schedule may look like and also
05:52
how feasible it is for you to exercise a
05:55
custody schedule where you're having
05:58
joint custody or having frequent
06:00
exchanges you need to try to be
06:02
somewhere in close proximity to your
06:05
children's school and their activities
06:07
now this doesn't mean that you know you
06:09
need to live across the street from your
06:11
former spouse or live in the same
06:13
neighborhood as them even though some
06:15
people do that but you need to try to
06:18
figure out how to not be in two separate
06:20
communities if you're wanting to
06:21
exercise at 5050 or two to three
06:25
custodial schedule okay that makes a lot
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of sense for sure
06:29
number three so number three is if you
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are thinking about pursuing separation
06:35
and divorce getting funny
06:37
statements together is probably the
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biggest headache for people and the
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thing that they don't want to do once
06:44
that they've retained but that is the
06:45
thing that whether your case is going
06:47
into litigation or your case is going to
06:49
mediation or you're just trying to
06:51
negotiate through attorneys we really
06:53
can't do anything without having
06:55
financial documents it's a huge
06:57
malpractice issue for someone to come in
06:59
and say let me write down on a piece of
07:02
paper with all my assets and debts are
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and we don't actually have any paperwork
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to back up what that is it's especially
07:08
important in cases where there's one
07:10
spouse who has not had a lot of
07:13
knowledge or involvement with the
07:14
finances because once people start going
07:17
through that separation and divorce
07:19
process the other spouse in some cases
07:22
may deny them access to financial
07:24
information or if they're not living in
07:27
the same house anymore they just may not
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have as much access to get the
07:30
statements directly so I usually advise
07:33
people to start getting together the
07:35
last three to five years of their tax
07:37
returns the last one to three years of
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bank and credit card statements any
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recent retirement account statements and
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things like that because those are
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things that your lawyer is going to need
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no matter which direction your case is
07:50
going and if you have those things up
07:52
front then you not only have the
07:54
information you need to prepare but your
07:56
lawyer is going to be better able to
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give you advice on what the financial
08:00
terms of your separation and divorce may
08:02
look like makes a lot of sense next up
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number four I would say is social media
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and privacy concerns this is a huge
08:14
issue today that wasn't necessarily a
08:17
huge issue back in 2006 when I started
08:19
practicing but people who are
08:22
contemplating separation divorce need to
08:25
be careful what they are posting on
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their Facebook and social media pages
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please refrain from trying to make
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negative comments about your spouse or
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talk about the divorce or separation
08:38
process or things that are going on with
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your legal matters it's just not helpful
08:43
to to post those
08:44
so things online the other thing that
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you need to be careful about is any
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emails that you're sending any text
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messages that you're sending all of
08:56
those things are subject to discovery if
08:59
your case ends up going south and there
09:02
are issues of infidelity or issues of
09:05
other marital misconduct that are going
09:07
to make your case
09:08
ugly you need to be aware that all of
09:11
that can potentially be viewed at a
09:14
later point and deleting stuff or trying
09:17
to erase stuff often is not effective
09:20
and if that is discovered it can often
09:23
make your situation worse and make you
09:26
look more guilty and that goes
09:27
hand-in-hand with as we've entered this
09:30
electronic age there's a lot of rules
09:33
about spoliation of evidence and
09:36
destroying evidence so the other thing I
09:38
tell people is if you have already
09:40
received a letter from an attorney
09:42
representing your spouse or there's
09:44
already litigation going on in your case
09:46
there are rules that you're expected to
09:49
know and you're expected to follow even
09:51
if you're not given a copy of them and
09:53
the rules are you can't then go out and
09:56
destroy evidence that you're trying to
09:58
protect from coming out in the
10:00
litigation so don't go out and sell your
10:03
cellphone on Craigslist
10:05
don't take your computer hard drive and
10:10
try to smash it up with a hammer it's
10:13
better to just confront everything
10:16
head-on if the information is asked for
10:18
in discovery because if you're caught
10:19
destroying evidence
10:21
once your cases in litigation you're
10:23
going to be in a lot more trouble than
10:25
if you tell your attorney what's going
10:27
on and deal with it head-on
10:30
well it makes a lot of sense so you know
10:33
in other words don't be out making it
10:35
rain on social media if you're you're
10:38
battling in court over and talking about
10:40
numbers absolutely or if you're crying
10:42
the blues to the judge that makes a lot
10:45
of sense also don't make negative
10:47
comments about your judge on social
10:48
media I see a lot of that and my work
10:51
it's a parenting coordinator and dealing
10:53
with families you've already kind of
10:54
been through the process people that
10:56
don't get the result that they want are
10:58
posting things about people in the
11:00
judicial system and then their case goes
11:03
back to court and all of that is out
11:05
there so be careful what you post yeah I
11:08
could imagine you're gonna be pretty
11:10
well known to the judge
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yes potentially not in a good way in
11:14
last thing so the last thing would be
11:17
don't react out of anger and taking
11:19
actions such as removing your spouse
11:21
from your health insurance policy your
11:23
life insurance policy
11:25
changing beneficiary designations on
11:27
things just wait wait and make sure
11:31
you're doing it the right way make sure
11:34
that you are discussing that with your
11:37
attorney discussing that with your
11:38
spouse and reaching agreements on that
11:40
before you do that because often taking
11:43
those actions without an agreement being
11:45
negotiated and without your spouse's
11:48
knowledge is viewed as vindictive it's
11:51
not helpful to the resolution of your
11:52
case and so you definitely need to
11:55
discuss those things with a lawyer
11:57
before you start taking those types of
11:59
actions that makes a lot of sense and
12:02
you know one of the things that I've
12:04
definitely learned and in my 25 years as
12:08
an adult basically is that you know
12:10
being proactive versus reactive is
12:12
always smart and that's part of what
12:14
this video is designed to do to make
12:18
basically get the counsel of a
12:19
professional before you go out and start
12:21
doing things old saying ounce of
12:24
prevention is worth a pound of cure
12:25
you know so definitely appreciate you
12:28
sharing a lot of this good information
12:29
for people and you know if you're
12:31
thinking about going through this it's a
12:33
it's a good idea to obviously contact a
12:35
professional get some guidance we hope
12:37
this video certainly helped and is there
12:39
anything else you'd want to wrap up just
12:41
good good information that someone
12:43
should know or anything else you want to
12:45
close with I think it's a good idea for
12:47
people to go meet with an attorney to do
12:49
a consultation regardless of which
12:51
direction their case is going because
12:53
like you said I mean I tell people most
12:55
of the case
12:56
that end up being high-dollar cases for
12:58
my firm or people who've tried to do it
13:00
themselves and then it's blown up and so
13:04
even if you are going to reach an
13:06
agreement my advice would be to have an
13:08
attorney draft that agreement and my
13:11
firm and many other firms will do that
13:13
for just a very low cost flat fee for
13:15
people and at least you know that your
13:17
your document is then dragged in
13:19
correctly and you're not going to run
13:21
into issues in the future with regards
13:23
to the document itself
13:25
so basically doing it right rather than
13:28
going to have to back up and clean up a
13:29
bunch of mess all right and even if
13:31
you're in complete agreement you don't
13:32
have to spend a lot of money you can
13:34
just make sure that the lawyer drafts up
13:38
the document that reflects the agreement
13:40
your spouse has reached with you and
13:43
have the security of knowing that that's
13:45
going to be a legally enforceable
13:46
document and one that's going to be in
13:49
place for years to come awesome well
13:52
thank you so much again Heather and
13:54
hopefully this added some value to you
13:55
again Heather for she here in North
13:58
Raleigh reach out and part of the best
14:02
of the best highly rated on Google and
14:03
review sites so thank you for time and
14:05
hope this helped thank you